I am here again

 I am even not sure what I want to say.

I am again awake in the middle of the nightI alone with all sorts of things buzzing in my head. 

I have thought about it, in the days of Shula when I first had her it wasn’t just me Ken was there, he didn’t really want a dog but knew how much I wanted one so went along with it. It was Ken that really chose her and although she was always my dog she loved and trusted him.

I am alone and lonely and need to make decisions about my life and my future but can’t take on another little life when my own is such a mess.

Going on

 I do sometime just think of giving up this blog, it is more difficult than when I set it up but it is somewhere I can say that I can’t say out loud.

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Bit sad

 I am a bit sad, my friend Bev messaged to say it was the birthday of one of the friends we sailed with years ago and her phone calls didn’t go through and she feared the worst. I said I would look into it and of course it was the worst not only was he dead but he had taken his own life. I felt sad telling Bev this because I know she had been concerned about him and had tried to help after he lost his wife. He had lost his wife, his mother then his sister in a few short years then been diagnosed with cancer. I suspect at the inquest they said he took his own life because the balance of his mind was disturbed. He was depressed he had lost everything that was important in his life and was facing cancer alone, okay maybe friends would rally round but it wasn’t something he wanted. He was an intelligent bloke, had, had a brilliant life and came to the conclusion that he didn’t want to go on.  I think he had a clear mind when he decided on his own end. Maybe it is a shame that he didn’t have a family or something that makes you want to go on but I respect his decision. You will not be forgotten by your friends RIP Peter.

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My life after losing everything

 I wish I could put a photo of everything I loved since I first had Shula which this blog is about and everything since, there wouldn’t be enough space.

I am not going in to my life before but suddenly we had this little dog of my choosing in our life I don’t have to draw pictures you can read her life her..

Our life, Ken and I ended when he died and I haven’t written anything what can I say, I miss him, you can’t imagine how much. I regret all the things I didn’t say, I told him everyday I loved him, we talked about things we might do if he was better but just being together was enough. We had the best life.

6 December 2024

 I did try to upload a photo but gave up. Yesterday, my Birthday came and went, the first since Ken died. It was a s**t day, grey sky and I spent it alone but that was probably my fault I wasn’t feeling like seeing people. I had lots of cards and good wishes for which I was grateful.

I am totally alone again something I haven’t been since meeting Ken. I should be glad we had so long together but at the moment I just feel sad.

Little dog Sky

 I have been worried about what would happen to little dog if anything happened to me but I think I have it sorted with my friend Chris. I know Chris would do this but I will ensure everything will be paid for. It is a great to know she would be looked after if the worst comes to the worst.

 I really would like a palm tree and the palm Trachycarpus Fortunii seems hardy and should survive here. I have approached a nursery here and will visit next weekend to maybe purchase one. They are very expensive so need to make sure I put it in the right place. I am a bit worried that where I want it will be too exposed but it would be where I would want a statement tree. I am trying to bring a bit of my Mediterranean garden in Spain to Dorset.